Wednesday, May 18, 2005

You Want Me?

Note: I am NOT writing this to ask for your pity or sympathy.
Just read to know me and understand my life (my point of view).

Thoughts running through my mind:
Was this morning's post "All Tangled Up" a warning of what was to happen? I was wondering as i sat in the cab back 15min ago.
Sometimes you just feel lonely and left out. You do, sometimes.. right?
Most times i feel lonely and left out. More so today...

Day 1-4 (Mon-Thu)
Monday (last week) i was back at work, i was assigned to a department but not a specific desk, and told to come back the next day.
Tuesday i went back only to find the assigning in-charge unavailable until Thursday night, so i (and my newly posted colleague) decided to make the most of Wednesday and Thursday by attaching ourselves to another department to learn some stuff, and we did; learnt quite a bit actually, and we were proud of ourselves for doing something instead of slacking.
Thursday night i called the assigning in-charge, he said "come back on Monday".

Day 5-7 (Fry-Sun)
Fryday morning i got a surprise call from some guy in the department telling me "ok, you're assigned to this desk". I was elated 'cos it was a good desk! Then the rest of Fryday, Saturday and Sunday was a sort-of relaxed weekend for me.

Day 8-9 (Mon-Tue)
Monday morning i went for job training, and was told by the assigning in-charge "your desk not confirmed yet"; wonderful news which left me hanging again.
Tuesday morning went for job training again, and was told "ok, you're assigned to this desk". I was ok with that desk: at least it was a desk, although one i specifically said i didn't prefer 'cos that desk was in another location and i didn't have the car/money to make the frequent trips between locations. -shrug- having a desk better than no desk. Tuesday night i SMSed my desk boss to ask "you want me to report to office, or report to my desk?"... no reply, so i decided to report to the office since desk boss would be there and i can ask him in person what i'm supposed to do.

Today (Wed)
This morning took a lift from a colleague to office... sat in the staff lounge and read through some job training notes and waited. And waited. 930am desk boss told me "you're definitely not going to be assigned that desk (which was previously assigned)". Hanging again...?! A minute later the assigning in-charge called to say he'll give me a definite desk assignment by Fryday.
I took my stuff, and caught a cab back.

Now i'm left hanging, again. I'm feeling unwanted, even in work. Great feeling eh? I think the only thing worse than being out of a job or being bogged and crumpled under tonnes of work is having a job but be left stranded. This situation is probably not my fault, or a dozen other excuses i could think of, but the feeling remains within.

Ironic that i took this photo yesterday?
It feels a little like this:
raining, cold, in a jam, and the light is always red...

Does anyone have any good movies to recommend? Your recommendation is not an indication that you have to watch it with me, so please recommend without worry that i'll ask you out to watch it.

I should mention the mood isn't great...


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