Saturday, April 30, 2005

The Sun, Wind and I

The sun's shining, the wind's blowing, i'm perspiring. It is a hot and humid day, it certainly is.

Can i request that you drop me a message on the tagboard? Please include your name and how you dropped by? I'm just curious to know who visits my blog and from where. Many thanks.

I should mention that this post is just to say thank you for being here...

Friday, April 29, 2005

Counting down the days

The situation is such: Dank's currently in his final few days of undergraduate life; all manner of tutorials, lectures, tests, presentations and exams done except for the very last one on May 6th (which he only requires a "Pass" grade), and he's now living out the days as enjoyably as he can until the day he goes to work on May 9th, or 10th. "Enjoyable" is a relative term, and he doesn't really know what it means, or so he thinks.

"So what's the problem?"
Nothing, or everything, depending on how you look at it.
Dank's days are filled with nothing except...
a swim and court soccer (which he does when he feels like it, almost every other day for the past two weeks),
watching NCIS (season1&2),
watching theOC (everything till 220),
watching Scrubs (season1),
watching DesperateHousewives (he starts today) and
watching a bunch of movies (all back to back to back on his laptop), and... and... oh yeah,
obsessing over the fish tank.
Almost forgot he cut his hair AGAIN(?!) today, it's the first time he's trying the $10-10min-vacuum-your-head-and-free-comb haircut. It's much cooler now, what with the record 35deg temperature in Singapore on Monday.

I regress: It's a sense of emptiness he feels; days passed for the sake of killing time. You notice his recent activities are DIY activities (Do It Yourownself)... ok he admits he did attempt to DIwS (Do It with Someonelse) on Wed but haha, failed. Don't ask him how he tried 'cos he didn't really try, ermm.. try.

Timetable for the next one week (30apr-10may):
Saturday out for drinks with the final years.
Sunday out to dinner with Similans trip friend.
Tuesday out to lunch with Similans trip (another) friend.
Wednesday out to get stuff in preparation for work.
Thursday in studying for exam (who's he kidding... studying?).
Fryday exam at 230pm.
Saturday blank out, feel lost spaced out at a chapter closed.
Sunday blank out, feel lost spaced out at a chapter closed.
Monday, or Tuesday... off to work.

You know what? Dank's afraid.
He's afraid of going out with the wrong people, and yet he's afraid of not having people to go out with at all.
He's afraid of moving on into the next phase of life, and yet he's afraid of the new challenges ahead.
Man... it's bad...

I should mention that my mind's blank/warped right now...

Thursday, April 28, 2005

the Wingman

Cab there, $6. Cover charge, $25. Drinks, $28. Free Drinks, $0. Discounted Drinks, $8. More Drinks, $28. Cab again, $6. Member sign-in, $0. Cab back, $10.

Drinks downed fast, not much, but alcohol nonetheless. Brought Tom (hand over shoulder in support) back, walked him down the stairs from the carpark to his block, then he went back to his room. Or so i thought. As i showered Sam (from Tom's block) came in and asked "what did you do to him?". I was taken aback; what did i do?

Apparently Sam found him sprawled face down outside the ground floor toilet of his block unable able to walk back up to his room. I was supposed to have taken care of him; i failed as his wingman. I didn't bring him to his room. At least there'll be more of us on saturday and i won't be the only one; unless i'm the only one who'll have to drag them all back.

I should mention i hate the want-to-puke-nothing-to-puke feeling...

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Fat, and Tact

I've been trying really hard to help a friend get un-fat. However after reading yAnn's advice in "in transit" i realised that i've been trying too hard in my well-intentioned persuasions.

Here are yAnn's tips, as summarised by me, from "How to get your boyfriend to lose weight":
1. Make a bet with him - Men hate losing.
2. Be subtle - Men will take it badly if you publicly embarass him.
3. Motivate him - Exercise with him so that he doesn't feel alone.
4. Praise him - Men need explicit encouragement. Caveat: mean it when you say it.
5. Do not nag - Admit it, you hate being nagged at. Don't nag.

I have since forwarded the advice to my friend's girlfriend, hopefully we'll see favourable results soon.

Food for thought:
Trying too hard is not always good, especially in situations involving someone other than yourself. I'm sure these 5 points apply to everything involving men; try it out, let me know if you succeed.

I should mention i must learn this skill fast; really useful on a shipload of men...

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Very Posh & High-Tech Leh!

The RH Fish Tank is "Very Posh" and "High-Tech" leh!

I visited the Bohemia Bunny (by Lynn Chan) today and read her "Real, Uncensored Hall Guide". Part 5 was published on Monday, and it was about Roughly Hall. What caught my attention was her description of the fish tank in the middle of the article...

"On a totally unrelated note, they have a very posh and high-tech fishtank. Have fun spotting the little critters hiding in the plants." Lynn Chan (2005)

Wow... i mean... like... ermm... you know... WOW!

Thank You Lynn Chan (if you wrote that from the bottom of your heart). Even if you didn't write it, it's nice of you to have included that in your guide. But please let me know who did so i can send a word of appreciation for appreciating the fish tank.

"Very posh and high-tech fishtank"... i'm at a lost for words.

I should mention that i am obsessed with the fish tank...

Monday, April 25, 2005

Reminisce: Your First Internet

When did you start using the Internet? How long have you been on the World Wide Web? Can you even remember?

Have you heard of ARPANET? Never heard? It's time you read up a little on the History of the Internet.

Ok, so you have heard of it; then how about... the Internet when it was still in text? (Yeah, I'm referring to the Internet without graphics and colour) You can't imagine the Internet without online lingerie shopping, tons of blogs and pornographic digitalised photos? Imagine again.

Back then, graphics were drawn with ASCII codes; Remember holding the alt-key and typing in a series of numbers on the keypad in order to generate a patterned character? If you don't remember... it's ok, you're living in the comfortable Internet age now. Fun Fact: did you know you could draw a real nice pictures (of pretty (naked) women, no less) in only ASCII? It's like how you'd draw a pair of Oranges on your handphone to send during Chinese New Year, go figure.

A friend on msn commented that she "hadn't used proper english in chatting since regular chatting" and i thought about how long i've been online. It's been so long i can't remember how long ago it was that i was sitting in front of a 286 with a 9.6k modem, listening to the (irritating but mutable) buzz of the modem attempting to connect, prompt for userid/pw, then finally the screen displaying a "Welcome" paragraph and a "press 1 for... press 2 for..." choice list.

Well, this is just an entry to reminisce the days of past when i would sneak up in the wee hours of the night to log on to Teleview (yeah, those were the days if you know what Teleview is) to arrange a meeting with the Teleview gang. It's already been more than 10 years of the Internet and chatting...

I should mention that the reason this post is a little fragmented and ill-elaborated is because i have a paper tomorrow...

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Pride, Joy and Escape

This is my pride; at having done something i so desired to create months ago, having put so much time and effort into. I am proud of myself for finally doing it. It will forever be my legacy as long as it stands, much alive, and filled (almost) to the brim.

This is my joy; enjoying every minute of the sight of it and of those in it, of those who enjoy the sight of it and of those in it. They probably have much to worry about inside: when/how their next meal will come, which bigger being will attempt a bite at them, when their home will be stirred (again), which menacing human face will appear right in front of them, which inconsiderate fingertip/nail will vibrate their environment, etc... but from out here it looks so serene, and it is a joy.

This is my escape; from everything else that brings frustration, displeasure and unhappiness. I seek refuge in it: the countless hours spent with it, changing water, treating illness, tweaking this and that, just simply sitting and staring.

The RH Fish Tank... my fish tank...

I should mention that this is my baby, till i leave...

Learning to Breathe

"Hello, good morning, how ya do?"

Dank wants to let go. Dank needs to let go. One day he'll know. I want to be free, to enjoy. I need the escape. Someday i'll know. Someday we'll know...

But I am on my way. If i lift my head from the bed of stars, the ocean wide, would i be able to find my way... to the emotionally, mentally and spiritually unknown? Yes i'm on my way.

Dank needs to break free from this life. Dank wants to feel he's needed elsewhere other than here. Dank needs the pull of the world, the world other than the one he is currently living in. He's been holed up for too long, constricted and restrained by habit such that he now feels it's normal to be constricted and restrained. Yesterday left his head kicked in, he never knew it could hurt this bad, but he's learning to breathe and learning to crawl, and finding that you and you alone can break his fall.

I love everything about you. But you are nowhere, just an illusion awaiting to be found.

Who is Dank going to be? When he is on his knees, who is he going to believe? Fear is a lonely man...

My stupid mouth has got me in trouble, saying too much again. How then would i ever find you without the filter in my head?

Dare Dank to move, dare him to lift himself up off the floor. Dare Dank to move, like anything hasn't happened, like everything never happened before. The fallout and the resistance between who he is and who he could be, between how it is and how it should be... Dare Dank to move. Salvation is here...?

Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore & Jonathon Foreman; I'm On My Way - Rich Price; Learning to Breathe - Switchfoot; Everything About You - Steve Poltz; Innocent Again - Switchfoot; My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer; Dare You to Move - Switchfoot

I should mention i love music with meaningful lyrics...

Back to reality

Paper on tuesday; today's sunday and i haven't touched a word of it: Economics of E-business.

I slacked/relaxed/wasted my past week, except for the thesis presentation (which was a total shoot-down because of the many loopholes) on Thursday. Watched movies (x4), watched TV shows (Scrubs x1, NCIS x3, theOC x2), swam (x4 occasions), played soccer (x3 occasions), went for a run (5km), went for a sushi buffet (first time in months), went to borders (twice in the past two weeks for the first time in at least a year); simply that.
Can't imagine anyone more slack than that, can you?

But... it's back to reality now, have to begin studying for the paper... later.

The Fish Tank beckons for a water change, i shall oblige gladly.

I should mention that i stepped into Zouk last night, did not drink a drop, and left after 10min...

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Sex: 40 Male Mistakes

I stopped by the Gonzo Journal (by Cowboy Caleb) today and i saw him trying really hard to find an excuse to link up Apple Lim. Why he tried so hard i didn't know at that point. Maybe he didn't want to be left out by BigF--k's BlogBabe and MrMiyagi's SurfStop, or maybe he just wanted to give guys out there a hint about something.

But i was still a little clueless until i checked her blog out...
and scrolled down to an April 18th entry...
and lo and behold i found some really real-life sex advice for guys out there! How true these are i won't know 'cos (1) Dank's no lady, and (2) he hasn't had such feedback, but these damn sure sound like good tips for good sex:

(Note: if you are underaged, please refrain from reading further; although i know you won't heed this advice this is to protect myself from abuse for spreading adult-ish content)

-------- article taken from Apple Lim's blog, verbatim --------
40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women
No photos but I got lesson for u guys. Seriously speaking and with some survey done, most of us girls feel that Singaporean male species make quite a lousy sex partner. There are not alot of men who attained a high level of this unique skill. Though I have not try alot of men but seriously one bad one is enough to trumatize u for life. (No name will be mention here) Sometimes I find that men are quite an clueless idiot when it comes to bed skills. I dun mean to ask u to have 4586837278 patterns "long zong" comes out but pls remember 1 thing, "Dun be selfish lor, u wan to song, people also wan to song de!"

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the Ultimate form of foreplay.

Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good.Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk.Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "___ to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.

(Hmm....Guilty?) You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
-------- article taken from Apple Lim's blog, verbatim --------

So you guys who've read this, i do hope you've learnt a thing or two about pleasing your/the woman. And remember:
"Dun be selfish lor, u wan to song, people also wan to song de!"
-Apple Lim (2005)

Cowboy Caleb for the link; Apple Lim for her words of wisdom.

I should mention that i am a little amused at these tips, and not because they're a joke...

Photo: Dank the Teen

Second instalment of "the pictures of Dank".
Don't flip out, don't throw up, he's not that lean and mean here, not a single bit: Dank the (fat) teen...

Dank was 15 years old then, looking disagreeable at being flown to Australia for a family holiday. The age where teens are rebellious, suicidal, difficult, quarrelsome, irritating; well ok maybe only in his case.

First instalment: "Photo: Dank the Boy"

I should mention that he never liked family holidays...

Who cares?

You? Me? Everyone else? No one?

Look within yourself and ask yourself these questions truthfully (not limited to these questions, but questions of a similar nature as well):
Do you tell yourself you're right most times?
Do you have the urge to tell people off at the slightest things?
Do you admit your failures/wrongs when they happen?
Do your friends tell you you're wrong most times?
Do you consider the feelings of those around you when you do/say things, even a little?
Do you hurt when your friends feel hurt?
Do you hurt when others feel hurt?
Do your friends hurt when you feel hurt?
Do you feel, at all?
Reflect on your life and see things you never saw...

Note: this only applies to people who can look within themselves, people who have a heart, people who can criticise themselves for who they are.

I should mention that i am always appreciative of people who care...

Thursday, April 21, 2005

To study or not to study?

The electronic age brings us many conveniences, and these days there's nothing a well-equipped computer can't do to fill your time. For example:

Instant messsaging... or enjoying theOC live on the network...

or Friendster-ing........ and...?!?!?!

...anything but studying in this pressurising examination period.

At least there's some joy from the people who have no care for exams...

all people photographed were friends of mine, however those in green did not know they were being photographed then.
Now they do.

I should mention i've got exams too; next week and the following...

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Reminisce: Similan Islands Dive

December 7-13 of 2004: I spent 7 days with 22 others on a Liveaboard Dive Trip to the Similan Islands in Thailand. Flew TigerAir to Phuket on the 7th, then stayed onboard The Really Wicked Witch from 7-11th, then PatongBeach for the night of 11th and 12th, then TigerAir back on the 13th. Much fun had, many friends made, an experience to remember and tons of photos taken.

Ok so you're dying for photos? Just can't wait to lay your eyes on the Washboard-stomach Hunks and Bikini Babes with me during the trip?

At Patong Beach on the first day while waiting to board our boat...

Finally onboard The Really Wicked Witch and out to sea...

Taking a breather at Koh Similans, Island No.9 of the Similan Islands group, climbed up Donald Duck Rock...

On our last day onboard, the inevitable group photo...

While waiting for the Nitrogen to leave, we relax by getting our asses kicked by cheating, scheming jetski operators and enjoying delicious, fresh seafood...

And finally, two of the many hundreds of underwater photos I captured, obviously i'll only show you the nicest two I captured...

It's really tough taking good underwater photos: what with the reduced light penetrating the deeper depths, the fish swimming so fast, the constant motion of your own body due to the currents (and lousy personal bouyancy control), and having to precariously maneouvre the bulky camera in its underwater watertight casing. Imagine that, and having to keep up with your diving group as they go in search of more interesting corals/fish/shrimps/turtles/crabs/lobsters/mermaids/etc...




You really want more marine life photographs? I thought you only wanted to see the hunks and babes...?




Ok fine, here's more photos of the underwater world in Similans...

To view bigger versions of these pictures, their corresponding descriptions, and names of the cute ones you've spotted:
My Similan Islands Trip Set, or Slideshow on Flickr

I should mention I enjoyed this brief escape thoroughly/completely...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

"the Monkeysphere"

I will attempt to summarise David Wong's Inside the Monkeysphere for the benefit of a quick understanding, but if you've got time do go read it as it will benefit the world outside your Monkeysphere...

The size of the monkey's monkey brain determined the size of the monkey groups the monkeys formed; the bigger the brain, the bigger the little societies they built. According to David Wong, we're all living in the Monkeysphere: "That's the group of people who each of us, using our monkeyish brains, are able to conceptualize as people".
Monkeys: 50 individuals in their society, their Monkeysphere
Human: 150 individuals in our society, our Monkeysphere
(elaborated in points 1-4 of "Inside the Monkeysphere")
Ok so our Monkeysphere can hold roughly 150 people, then what?

The Garbage Man
Oftentimes the garbage man is outside our Monkeysphere thus we do not think of him/her as a person, rather simply The Garbage Man. Is your garbage man "The Thing That Makes The Trash Go Away", or is he the person who just cut himself with that broken piece of glass you threw into the bin without first wrapping it up in newspaper, or the auntie carrying that heavy, gravy-laden, leaking black trashbag to the bin centre leaving a trail of Laksa which she has to mop up after?
"Which would upset you more: your brother dying, or a dozen kids across town getting killed because their bus collided with a truck hauling killer bees?
Which would be bigger news to your neighbors: those dozen mutilated bus children across town, or 15,000 dead in an earthquake in Iran?
They're all humans and they are all equally dead. But the closer to our Monkeysphere they are, the more it means to us."
(elaborated in points 5-7 of "Inside the Monkeysphere")

The rest of the story
I'm not writing anymore, you can read the rest (points 8-12) in "Inside the Monkeysphere" by David Wong, but the gist of it is here already.

The Point Being...?
(the following are my own thoughts)
Everyone else outside their Monkeysphere thinks of you the same way you think of them who are not inside your Monkeysphere, get it? If everyone thought about everybody else with care and consideration, wouldn't the world be a better place?

Ever watched the movie "Pay It Forward"? It was based on a novel by Catherine Ryan Hyde about the Pay It Forward Idea: Do good to three, and tell them to Pay It Forward to another three, and so on... 3 --> 9 --> 27 --> 81 --> 243 --> 729 --> 2187 --> etc.

The ideas are the same, just implemented differently: Would you think about people outside your Monkeysphere and Pay It Forward in your own way?

I should mention that I enjoy trying to make the world a better place, even if people ridicule me for the apparently lame effort...

Monday, April 18, 2005

That Haircut

The reason i ventured into Orchard today was to get my hair cut.
It hadn't been cut for the past 8 (or was it 9 or 10?) months
Longhair: Cool, suave, charming? w/Nokia6250 earpiece listening to Class95
and it needed to be cut
The fateful haircut
in preparation of the return to the uniform in a month...
Shorthair: ah-boy, milo beng one cup!

I should mention that i don't know why i kept my hair so long...

What the COW?!

How long have these cows been around?
Cows in the field
Today I took my first steps out of campus, headed towards town for the first time in three months (THREE MONTHS?!) and I see coloured cows all over the place! Along Tanglin road, outside Orchard MRT, even along Buona Vista?! If they've been there weeks (or even months) this is a sign that i've been holed up too long.

But I must say these cows are a refreshing break from the boring "my advertisement moves, does yours?" bus-ads; go cows!

I should mention that I quite enjoy these cows...

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Photo: Dank the Boy

Picked up a few tips on blogging from The Big F--k by J Schnorg, one of which was "Throw in a picture or two, if at all possible", so here are some... for your viewing pleasure/displeasure, depending on whether you're a paedophile, a sucker for baby photos, or not.
Back when i was 6 years old, a passport photo

Undated photo with my first weapon, the Golf club

I would post more photos but unfortunately, or fortunately, i have no cutesy pictures of life before the teenage years. There'll be more in upcoming posts, so stay tuned for the amazing transformation of Dank from cute kid to cute hunk; who am i kidding.

I should mention that I never really took to golf...

Hungry Ear Worm

According to Little Miss Drinkalot's research, a Hungry Ear Worm is "A song that you develop sudden and inexplicable cravings to listen to".

My Hungry Ear Worm is "Home by Michael Buble", as mentioned in my previous post. Just thought to introduce the interesting term Hungry Ear Worm to you, my dear non-existent reader.

I should mention that it's way past my bedtime (for today)...

Saturday, April 16, 2005


"Another Summer day has come and gone away... i want to go home,
Maybe surrounded by a million people i still feel all alone... i want to go home..."
lyrics to Home by Michael Buble.

How apt it is that there be this wonderfully beautiful sad song on Repeat this very moment as i sit awake, physically and mentally tired, with a heavy heart and dried up tears upon my cheeks... thinking about how long it's been since i've felt like living a life worth living. It's not that i don't want to get out and take a walk around anywhere but here, i want to but i just don't have the energy to, or anyone to go out with whom i would enjoy the company of. Sad, but true, at least in my eyes. Of course i could go out yang sendiri (alone) but what difference would that be when i could just be alone in the library with "Home by Buble" on Repeat, constantly Refreshing the regular blogs i visit, watching an epsiode of NCIS or OC, an occasional movie on my laptop, etc...

In the past 6 weeks, i've left campus only 4 times, and to the local fish shop for no more than 60 minutes on each occasion. As mentioned, it's not that i don't want to go out; the energy's not there. I don't feel alive, i don't feel i'm living a life; as opposed to "i don't have a life", which is definitely not what i mean.

Back to the point about having "Home by Buble" on Repeat, i haven't been home in 6 weeks, i haven't spoken to my family in that time; i consider myself a runaway. Ironically the "Home" in Buble's song has a different meaning to what i have in mind: i want to go home to where i came from, that champion swimmer who made it to the finish while the other tadpole-ish swimmers died and got flushed away, i wish i was flushed away.

I should mention i hate mosquitoes who don't give up, no matter how many of their family and friends you maim/kill...

Friday, April 15, 2005

Woke up feeling like i didn't sleep

Have you experienced it? I'm sure you have...

You go to sleep, then in the morning 6-8hours later when you open your eyes you feel as if you just hit the bed; tired and lifeless. That was my morning, tired and lifeless as i was when i slept, tired and lifeless as i was when i woke.

Spent three hours being a CO2 reactor Mr Fix-it, fitting two L-joints to the reactor in order to prevent kinks from stopping water flow, killing filter functionality. Had to drain the water from the tubes, accidentally spilling 2litres of water, using hot water to expand the tubes to fit the joints, cutting myself with the screwdriver (thrice!), blistering my palms while forcing the pipes to fit the joints, and finally finishing after splattering another 3litres of water. Upon completion, satisfaction of a perfect setup brought a smile to my face; the feeling of pride at a piece of handiwork well done. But you guys who don't know what i'm rambling would care, would you?

I should mention that i am obsessed with the fish tank...

Thursday, April 14, 2005

I've only just begun

Today i enter the ever-so-complicated realm of blogging as myself and for myself, unlike my previous attempt of maintaining a blog for a beloved fish tank. What?! A Fish Tank blog?

Yes, you read me right: a Fish Tank blog. It's an informative blog of a fish tank i set up and maintainted for my hostel; I had excess time and money, and i haven't had the opportunity to spend them on women or drinks... yet.

How should i go about creating my online persona? I have not the slightest clue although i've read a few blogs here and there... I did wish about someday getting a mention in the papers, getting an award for "Universe Best Blog", or maybe just a small mention by famous bloggers... but i guess i'm just not there, yet. I've been following a few bloggers of late and i sure enjoy the read, no thanx to MrBrown of, MrMiyagi of MyVeryOwnGlob and Adrianna of Popagandhi. Probably pathetically few considering the number of as-great blogs out there i have yet to set my eyes upon... but i guess i have to start somewhere, right?

Are great blogs written by great people, or great bloggers? Great people are people who are naturally great (at writing or speaking or anything); Great bloggers may be lousy people who blog nice and interesting things. You who own "great" blogs please do tell 'cos i'm still considering whether i've got it in me or if i should just pack up and ship out (literally).

I should mention i love the sun, the sea, and the sand...
...since 14 April 2005